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Monday’s Headlines recap: State takes precautions for Ebola; Alabama school forces girl to take suicide questionnaire; ‘Saturday Night Live’ hits ratings low 10.13.14 at 9:34 am ET
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Here are the highlights from Monday’€™s Headlines on Dennis & Callahan with Kirk Minihane, John Dennis and Gerry Callahan. To hear the segment, go to the Dennis & Callahan audio on demand page.

— Massachusetts and the Boston area had its first scare with Ebola this weekend. A man who had visited Liberia went to a Braintree medical center, saying he had muscle aches and a headache — symptoms of the virus.

Though the facility took precautions, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center officials said the man most likely doesn’t have the virus.

“Didn’t it make your heart skip a beat?” Callahan said. “Dallas is OK, there’€™s lots of space between Dallas and here.”

Part of the reason for Braintree’€™s precaution is because a Dallas nurse contracted the virus when she was helping treat the man who brought the disease into the country. In that case, officials said the Texas hospital was unprepared.

Said Callahan: “It’€™s so mean-spirited, to stop guys from coming in from Liberia, but wouldn’t that make all of the sense in the world?”

Replied Dennis: “Gerry, they’€™re giving them EBT cards, which stands for ‘Ebola big time.’ ”

“It’€™s concerning, I’€™m a little concerned about this,” Minihane said. “I’€™m not usually one of these people who jump in hysterics, but is this going to be massive three years from now, or is going to be something we just laugh about like Swine Flu?”

— A girl from Mobile, Alabama, was forced to sign a contract with her school saying she would not commit suicide or homicide. The contract stemmed from when the girl drew a picture of a gun and then pointed a crayon at a fellow student.

The girl’€™s mother said the school made her daughter take a survey on suicide. The girl did not even know what the word “suicide” meant.

“I don’€™t think 5-year-olds grasp the concept of suicide,” Callahan said.

“No, but they all have guns in Alabama,” replied Dennis.

Said Callahan: “That kid doesn’t have a gun.”

— This weekend’€™s “Saturday Night Live,” hosted by one of show’€™s former cast members, Bill Hader, hit a ratings low. Despite appearances by other former cast members including Kristen Wiig and Andy Samberg, “SNL” had a 1.8 rating in households with adults aged 18-49 — the lowest-rated episode during its run.

“I’€™m starting to wonder, it’€™s kind of like Brady, when does it end for ‘Saturday Night Live?’ ” said Minihane.

Replied Callahan: “To me, it’€™s like college football. College football needs some personalities, some stars. … With SNL, they need one or two stars that carry the program.”

Read More: Ebola, Saturday Night Live,
Monday’s Headlines recap: George Clooney gets married; ‘Saturday Night Live’ starts 40th season; National Science Foundation spends $300K on bike study 09.29.14 at 9:26 am ET
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Here are the highlights from Monday’s Headlines on Dennis & Callahan with Kirk Minihane, John Dennis and Gerry Callahan. To hear the segment, go to the Dennis & Callahan audio on demand page.

— Actor and longtime bachelor George Clooney, who had vowed he would never get married again, married human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin less than a year after they met. Fellow actors Bill Murray, Matt Damon and John Krasinski were among the guests.

“She’s not in his top-10 list of girlfriends,” Dennis said.

Replied Callahan: “Yeah, but she’s the marrying kind, that’s the difference.”

The wedding was held in Venice, Italy, a place that Callahan did not seem to be fond of.

“They had it in that filthy city of Venice,” Callahan said. “Just a disgusting, dirty place. It’s the ultimate tourist trap. … It’s dirty, the water’s filthy, it smells.”

— “Saturday Night Live” began its 40th season on NBC this weekend. The show was hosted by actor Chris Pratt and had an opening skit about the problems with domestic abuse in the NFL.

The hosts played a clip of the the football skit, and they were not amused by the attempted humor.

“It goes on for 3 1/2 minutes and there’s not a chuckle,” Callahan said.  “It was so uncomfortably bad.”

“Chris Pratt was terrible as [Roger] Goodell,” Minihane said. “Not even terrible, he wasn’t funny. It was awful.”

Said Dennis: “Maybe [SNL] is finally like [Derek] Jeter. It stayed a year too long.”

— The National Science Foundation spent $300,000 on a study that dealt with human interaction with bicycles. A House committee calls the study a “waste.” The purpose of the project was to encourage more Americans to bike to lower their carbon footprint.

“I think most people know by the time they’re like 8 how to interact with a bicycle,” Callahan said.

Read More: George Clooney, Saturday Night Live,
Jay Mohr’s Chris Farley ‘pudding hands’ story 01.26.12 at 12:43 pm ET
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In anticipation of Saturday’s Foxwoods appearance, comedian Jay Mohr joined The Dennis & Callahan Morning Show to discuss the Super Bowl and Boston sports fans. The Jerry Maguire star kept the jokes coming throughout the interview (for audio, click here), culminating in his halftime show prediction for this Sunday’s rematch between the Giants and Patriots: “Madonna takes out her crank and shows the world that she’s really Willem Dafoe.”

Now for the best part. The real highlight of the interview came when the subject of Mohr’s late Saturday Night Live costar Chris Farley arose. We’ll let him tell the story in his own words.

Me and [former SNL writer] Dave Attell paid Farley to go No. 2 out our window. One night, he was in our office and he was about to leave, and we were like, “Wait, don’€™t go.” But not like normal people, like, “Don’€™t go, we want to hang out with you, because you’€™re Farley, you’re funny.” We were like, “No, wait, don’€™t go, we’€™ll give you $100 to drop a deuce out the window.”

To his credit, he said, “Give me the money first.” So, we gave him 100 bucks. He gets up on the window ledge. It’€™s the 17th floor. Almost his entire body is outside the building — just his head, knees, toes and hands are inside the building.

“It” fell inside the window sill. I’€™ll be careful how I say everything, don’€™t worry. Keep your finger on the “dump” button. There was no toilet paper or anything like that, so I think I can just say this: He did it manually.

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Read More: Chris Farley, Dennis & Callahan Morning Show, Jay Mohr, Saturday Night Live